The Angry Czeck

Set the new airport body-screening machines to “Awesome” because the Angry Czeck is coming through.

Some people are freaking out about a sensible proposal to place full-body scanners in our airports. It’s a violation of privacy! My hoo-ha! My wee-wee! Personally, I’d rather that strangers take a peak at my pecker than have a stranger’s underwear explode on my flight to Dallas. I think it’s a good trade.

The digital body knows if you are “packing” or “stuffing.”

Yeah. I’m surprised too. After all, I’m the one who condemned the Minnesota Airport Police for entrapping Senator Larry Craig in their nifty homo-sex sting. I’m the one who expressed concern about installing cameras on traffic lights. I’m the one who predicted that the drones that are bombing Pakistanis today will be spying on American citizens tomorrow.

But I’m all for a zesty digital body scan.

I’m against a body scan when walking into Target. But at Target, I’m not about take a seat inside a tube hurtling like a comet 30,000 feet in the sky. Despite what Superman says, flying is hazardous. We are countering nature’s intentions. We’re already asking for trouble. By not taking every measure to ensure that nothing goes wonky, we’re simply not being very responsible travelers.

Because of one imbecile with a hair-brained scheme, I have to take my shoes off at the airport. Everyone at the airport looks ridiculous standing around in their socks. Why are we suddenly concerned for our dignity now? Scan me, baby!

Sure, you’ll no longer be assured of getting on the plane with your vibrating anal bead. We all have to pay the price for security. How steep a price is up to us. Already, members of the media are predicting waves of racial and religious profiling in the security lines. We are being urged not to overreact.

Fareed Zakaria: I think the most important thing we should be watching for is the danger of an overreaction. It’s important to remember that the purpose of terrorism is to terrorize the public. In other words, it’s a tactic that’s unique because it depends entirely on the response of the public. The more we overreact, the more we whip ourselves up into a froth of hysteria, and the more we are actually helping this tactic succeed. (From CNN interview)

Mr. Zakaria is correct. We cannot allow the terrorist to pollute what it is to be American. As a result, we as a nation will always flirt with danger. Call it Cowboy Culture. Just as we once took risks in expanding Westward or landing on the moon, today we take chances simply by commuting to Denver. This is America, buddy. If you want to play it safe, I suggest you contact a Realtor in Finland.

Meanwhile, let’s start installing those crazy, Total Recall body scanners! If they make me look slimmer, I might pass through for a second time.

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