The Angry Czeck

Tiger Woods is addicted to sex.

So is actor David Duchovney. And former ESPN analyst Steve Phillips.

And Bill Clinton.

And Charlie Sheen.

And John Edwards.

And Mark Sanford

They’re all addicted. It’s terrible.

Or you could subscribe to a radical theory I’ve formulated just recently. Granted, I’m not a CNN expert and very little science is employed in my dubious methods. To be honest, I’ve only given it five-minute’s thought, but that’s four minutes longer than necessary.

Is it possible that these men are not actually addicted to sex, but rather are spoiled brats who can’t keep it in their pants?

Of course not! That’s crazy talk. Clearly, it’s not Tiger Woods’ fault that he banged 14(+) women, none of them name Elin. He has a disorder. He has an addictive personality. He needs therapy.

Tiger Woods is addicted to sex.

He and 3,000,000,000 other men on this planet. I’m one of them. It’s rough, too. I’m always jonesing. Just ask Mrs. Angry. My addiction has made her a victim. We get through it day by day.

But don’t rely on my heartbreaking testimony. I just write a blog that is poorly researched and seldom read. Put your faith in Steve Phillips instead:

“I couldn’t stop myself from doing the things I was doing, even knowing the consequences.”

It was like Steve was trapped inside an asshole’s body! I can imagine his pain as he pounded on the unfeeling walls of his conscious as Asshole Steve Phillips ordered more wine for his chubby intern. He couldn’t stop himself! It was like somebody else was in control. That’s sex addiction man.

But I think that David Duchovny’s wife, Tea Leoni, summed this terrible disease best:

“Men are like bulls. They gotta get the new cow. Maybe you’ve got to get the bull after he’s had a lot of cows, so you might just be the last new one.”

Yep. We’re always looking for another cow. That’s us sex addicts. We’re slaves to our erections. Fortunately, there is therapy for those with means. The rest of us aren’t so lucky. Instead of soothing pep talks and circle-time, we’re reduced to focusing on wedding vows and maintaining a level of dignity. We think about our wives and our children. We take in consideration our own self-worth.

But Tiger is addicted. Give him his space. He needs to heal.

Related posts:

1. Tiger had it coming.