The Angry Czeck

I enjoy getting into verbal spars with opponents with retarded debating skills. Not because I win. Winning is not possible with these people. You don’t argue with the Debating Retard to win. You do it because idiocy-in-action is amusing, especially when it’s on high-volume display before friends and peers. And you can bet that the [...]

You’re a snob. At least about something. We all are, to be fair about it. And it’s okay. Snob away, you stuck up son of a bitch. Being a snob means you’ve drawn the line, even if that line lacks substance and relevance. Don’t like Pontiacs? Fair enough. Prefer a cabernet over a merlot? Free [...]

DICK: Morning, George. But enough pleasantries. GEORGE: Leaping Lizards! Can’t you see I’m trying to listen to Little Orphan Annie on the radio? DICK: Shut up. Today’s a good day. We finally eradicated all those stupid programs that socialist idiot Roosevelt started to increase the country’s moral. GEORGE: He wanted to build D-A-M-S. Doesn’t he [...]

Around the second or third grades, my brother (we’ll call him “Malone”) invented the Super Specialized Assault Attack Team, or S.S.A.A.T. Never mind the leisurely nature of the moniker. This was a team of action, punctuated by violence and one-liners. The roster consisted of ten boys from our grade-school class, and the team was led [...]

Remember the unnerving plight of the amazing St. James Davis? You know, the guy who had his nuts and face eaten off by surly chimpanzees? (See the compelling May post “No Viagra® for me, please. A chimpanzee ate my nuts” for reference.) Secretly, I knew you wanted an update, and secretly, I knew you were [...]