The Angry Czeck

One day, while watching the evening news with a relative of mine, we were updated with the latest report of a particularly destructive Georgian tornado. One survivor, a middle-aged woman who had lost everything in the storm, was in the process of thanking God for sparing her life. My relative shouted at top volume, “Go [...]

I have an incredible threshold for acceptance. I accept that the primary reason for making Iraq the New Puerto Rico was nukes (if I sniff enough gas). I accept the fact that George Lucas fucked up an unfuckable franchise. I accept the French. But I can’t accept that I must share the road with bicyclers. [...]

Are you a man? More specifically, are you a man with a charcoal or gas grill? Do you have a preference between charcoal and gas? Do you wear monogrammed oven mitts? Have you ever received a chrome spatula and fork for your birthday? Do you believe yourself to be the creator of a “secret sauce?” [...]

Remember when the United States attacked Iraq a couple years ago? It was wild, man. W pulled out all the stops. First, W used the State of the Union Address to proclaim Iraq the worst in a trio of evil, a brilliant masterstroke that totally cornered the concept of evil as “anti-American.” Next, he forced [...]

Ha, ha, suckers! I’m on steroids, which makes me better than you. Before steroids, people who weren’t pushing me around were thinking about pushing me around. Not anymore. You should see my arms. Huge! You should see my pecs. Huge! My neck, too. I’m typing this post shirtless because I’m so hot. So far, the [...]