Abraham Lincoln once said that if ten people make a comment about your tail, then you might want to take a look behind you. That’s good advice. The Angry Czeck beseeches you, crazy Gun Advocates, to take a look behind you. You won’t have to look far; only a few days.

What will it take before you concede that the policies you continue to champion, strengthen and defend are really fucked up?

There will be many debates that arise from the carnage at Fort Hood. I suspect that many gun advocates will declare some kind of “Muslim threat,” an obvious deflection of responsibility. They will point out that that the murderer, Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, was brought down by armed security (a 5′ 2″ woman with extensive firearms training). They will refuse to connect the too-easy acquisition of handguns (or the legality of handguns) as a contributing factor to the massacre at Fort Hood.

The issue that will be ignored is that Husan – a man who so clearly exhibited disturbing mental issues that local media uncovered examples of his questionable conduct mere hours after the shootings – was able to buy a FN Herstal 5.7 mm handgun in the first place. According to The Dallas News.com and Newsweek, Hasan also purchased several “ high-capacity gun magazines from a Killeen gun shop when he bought the gun.”

The weapon of choice for nuts.

Congress is already launching an investigation. Senator Joe Lieberman wants to know how the Army dropped the ball on red-flagging Hasan. I want to know why a mentally disturbed, suicide-bombing supporting, Islamic extremist was allowed to purchase a powerful handgun with high-capacity gun magazines that enabled him to reload quick enough to kill 12 people on an army base.

How do you even justify the gun clips? How many times to you need to rapidly-reload while repelling home marauders? How many rounds do you intend to fire at kids toilet-papering your yard? Unless you’re Mad Max, I don’t see why these clips are even for sale to individuals without first being subjected to a stringent FBI check. I’m not talking about a credit report, or a list of how many parking tickets you failed to pay. I’m talking about a goddamned FBI report that would unearth at least as much as a kid working for a failing news medium could find.

Before you go even more nuts, Gun Advocates, let me remind you that the Second Amendment is shit. It is total shit. You find an instance where a man armed with a musket killed 12 people on a military base, and I’ll reconsider my position. Otherwise, the Second Amendment is a flawed, antiquated piece of shit that needs to be reexamined and rewritten for modern times. (I’m insulting shit, but you can’t write a post without hurting feelings.)

It would take about a week for a guy with a musket
to murder 12 soldiers.

As usual, the National Rifle Association is noticeably silent. (They always are after some nut starts shooting people.) You’d think that the world’s mightiest lobby for firearms would have something to say about Fort Hood. Nope. There’s not a word about Fort Hood on the NRA web page, though the fact that a homeowner took a couple shots at a robber is considered top news.

There is nothing said because there is nothing to say. There was nothing to say after Virgina Tech. There was nothing to say after Columbine. The product the NRA fanatically endorses is a health threat on par with cigarettes. It is a security threat that is far more likely to kill my children than Muslims. You have nothing to say, NRA. because you know that once again your position on gun control contributed to unnecessary deaths. Take a few days off and let Fort Hood blow over.

You know what? Keep your rifles. I just want the handguns.

Or, or, you can take the lead in generating real change, NRA. Why not announce that you’re advocating for tighter gun laws? Or hey, try something radical (sane) and endorse a ban on handguns? Yes. A total ban. You’ll lose some members, sure, but you’ll gain a substantial amount of guilt-free sleep in return.

For once, use your considerable influence for the betterment of our country rather than romanticizing a weird idea of freedom. It’s okay. You never were the National Handgun Association anyway. Deep down, subconsciously, you understood that rapid-fire handguns are tools for crime, not defense.

I’m not holding my breath. In this country, a freak automobile accident may lead to a total redesign of child safety seats, but a lone gunman murdering 12 people on a military base with handguns will result in absolutely nothing. After Columbine, the reaction wasn’t to strengthen restrictive gun laws. It was to ban trench coats. Trench coats! Guns don’t kill people, trench coats do. I supposed we’ll be barring Muslims from the military now.

So what will it take, Gun Advocates? What will it take before you realize that the biggest threat to our security is a nut with gun. What will it take? This is an earnest question. Are twelve bodies not enough? What number would impress you? After all, in the scheme of things, a dozen deaths isn’t that many. Not when more than 10,000 murders were committed with handguns in the year 2000 alone (according to a report for the Center of Disease Control). Give me a number. Make it big. They always are. Just give me a number so I can have some hope that, at least in theory, you have some capacity to recognize reason.

You don’t have a tail behind you, NRA. Just bodies.

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